Friday, June 02, 2006

Hair Stupidity

Well, ya'll, it's time to get a laugh at my expense. I did the dumbest thing!

We'll start on Monday... Memorial day.

I was coming home from Ponca (my home town) and the boys were on the new bike, so we were separate in our times of coming home... The boys called me and asked me to stop at the grocery store on the way home because we were out of milk and bread... so I stopped at the Piggly Wiggly. I got some milk, and bread, and pop and hot dogs and while I was on the hot dog isle, I noticed a bargain basket... a shopping basket full of cheap items. So, I get the brilliant idea to look through it. I found this little jar of "conditioner" for "Dry, split and brittle ends" - it was a whole dollar - so I bought it too.

Fast forward to Tuesday. I finally had the time to put the "Conditioner" on my hair. I glance at the directions, which say, cover hair completely, focusing especially on ends. So, I put the whole thing on my head. Cover with a shower cap, and wait my allotted two hours... because I really want this to work, so I can have healthier hair. My two hours pass, and I go to wash this "conditioner" out.

It won't come out.

I washed my hair with dove shampoo, and then with maker's mark shampoo, then with gillet shampoo, and then with finess shampoo, and then with dove soap, and then with oil of olay soap, and then with soft soap and then, I repeated the whole process again... and the crap would not come out. So, being the brilliant person I was, I thought, to hell with it, I'm going to bed. I'll figure it out in the morning. So, I went to bed.

In the morning (This is Wednesday morning), I go to wash my hair. It feels like I've got wax - candle wax, or vasoline in my hair. I try to wash it again. With all of the above products... no go. By this time, I've washed my hair over 25 times. The crap is NOT coming out. So, I do what I have to do, pull it up into a bun, and go to work with oily looking vasoline hair.

After work, I stop and buy some Dawn dishwashing liquid, on the advice of my mother's hair dresser. So, I put Dawn on my hair... three times. Still doesn't get the crap out. So I make a frantic call to MY hair dresser, who lets me come in (THANK HEAVENS!). We try the dawn again, only this time, I have to sit under the dryer to heat it up and let it sit and try to strip the stuff out of my hair. NO LUCK! So, we put a chemical stripper on my hair, let it sit, and wash it off, and repeat three times... by this time, the stuff has started coming off the ends of my hair, but is still stuck to my scalp like I had dipped my head in a candle making factory. So, in looking at my hair, the ends of my hair were FRIED. COMPLETELY FRIED. Like burnt. So, we cut off my hair. It's shorter than my collar short. It's barely over my ears short. SHORT. Five inches off the back short. And the crap was STILL in the top of my hair.

Mind you, I had an interview on Thursday. Yep. an interview. For an EXECUTIVE secretary. So the beautician and I decide to give my head a break and I go home, my head stinging from all the crap that has been put on it. My hair, still looks like it's coated in vaseline.

So, since I knew I had the interview, after I went home, I tried the Dawn again. Then I tried Tide laundry soap. Then I tried Shout laundry stain remover... then my hubby went out to the garage and found a hand cleaner that he uses when he's been working on cars, and we tried that. That's what FINALLY got the crap out of my hair.

So, now I have short short hair, and I know never to shop the bargain basket for conditioners EVER again.

Hope you enjoy your laugh...

Kimberly, this counts as Number one for the deepest secret things about me! I'll go on to numbers two through six a little later!


kimberly said...

what a nightmare!

that reminds me of 1989 when i was married. they had nair in a mousse type style. looked just like a hair mousse bottle. my ex-husband put it on his hair thinking it was mousse! lucky he smelled that awful nair smell fast enough and washed it out real quick. it was pretty funny.

kimberly said...

ps. i didnt even realize you had comments enabled until i clicked on the date thingy!

Anonymous said...

Do I feel your pain! I dye my hair constantly and in so many years havn't fried it, but! I got really depressed a month ago and my hair was dyed black. Well, since my mood was so black I figured changing my haircolor would help! So i strip it three times, the first two lifted well and the hair was okay. the third was a different brand name, and burrrrrrrnt my hair to pieces. I've managed to have to cut it chin length (from past my shoulders!) and save most of it, but it's dull in color no matter what, and it's textured like african-american hair! i use a pick now instead of a brush, lol! bottom line, it happens. and as long as we can laugh at ourselves how bad can it be!?