Wednesday, June 08, 2005


I’m in a mood today. I can’t really describe it. It’s sort of down, but not really – more of an “on the fence” type of mood. I’m not really happy, but I’m not really sad. I could easily get annoyed, but I could just as easily be amused. I don’t like it when I’m in these kinds of moods. It’s unsettling. I feel like I’m distracted, but I couldn’t pin point what is distracting me. I don’t have a million and ten thoughts running through my mind – which is very unusual for me. On the other hand, I’m not really out in la la land either.

Kiddo is good. I gave him a semi flat top last night. I say semi because I’m not very good at them, and it looks more like an expanded very short Mohawk. He’s ok with it – so I’m ok with it. I offered to buzz his head completely because I just wasn’t sure he would like what I had done to him. He said it was good like it was. He is enjoying summer camp so far. They don’t like the new head counselor yet, but I think it’s just because she is new and wants to put her bluff in – although after just now talking to another parent – she’s just a witch. So, now what? On another front with the kid, he’s going camping again this weekend with the boy scouts. They will be going on a 10 – 15 mile hike. He’s somewhat excited, but not really – he knows how far that is, and doesn’t think it sounds like much fun. Although – he is excited about the camping part – so that’s a very good thing. He’s been going a whole lot here lately. Gone with us to hometown to spend time with family, then stayed there and didn’t come home with us, and then was home two days and left on vacation with my mom and was gone four days, and now is leaving again! I’m feeling like my kid is not around much. I’m starting to get the empty nest syndrome. I miss the hell out of him when he’s gone, but I’m trying to be good and let him grow up. It’s not like he’s 18 or anything. He’s still just a little boy – who is trying very hard to become a man.

My grandma has cancer. What a word. What a disease. She is going through Chemotherapy and Radiation treatments. I don’t even want to know how her frail little body is handling those two ravaging her. I can’t imagine how hard this is for her. And yet, she continues. She fights on. I’m so proud of her.

I have a family reunion this weekend. I don’t know if I’m going to go or not. Part of me wants to go, and part of me doesn’t. I want to go for my grandma – but I don’t much have the money, so I don’t really want to go. I told my dad that if he goes, I’ll go with him – otherwise, I’m not going. UPDATE: I talked to my dad, he’s not going... so I don’t really plan on going either. I have no desire to go... and I can’t really afford the gas to go so.... guess that answers that. Will update if I change my mind...

I guess that’s all. I know. BORING. Sorry. This is my life. I’m a mom. I’m a wife. I’m a friend. I’m a lover. I’m an employee. You know, like that song – “I’m a sinner, I’m a saint...” I’m all of these things and more...

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