Wednesday, March 16, 2005

I KNEW I would Jinx things...

That's just the way things are for me. I'm QUOTE "The most pessimistic optimist" or the "most optimistic pessimist" Unquote, that you are ever going to meet. Basically, to me, that means that even though things sometimes turn to shit, I try to see the positive in them. Sometimes, that's a stretch, and other times, it's easy.

Today, I'm having a hard time being positive. For one, I am exhausted. Mom had surgery again yesterday. For most people, it's minor surgery - but this is MY family. So, I take her in, she promptly tells the doctor that she's nervous and that she's not really relaxed enough from the valum that I fed her an hour before - so he puts her somewhat under and goes away. Then he comes back, and I hear her from the waiting room, tell him that she can feel what he's doing and that she needs more gas. She is crying, I can hear it. SO, I start to go back and ask this dentist WTF he's doing...but I hold it together - barely. I ask the receptionist what is going on, and she tells me that she will check. The dentist is trimming mom's BONE - her BONE is too uneven to hold her new dentures in so he's trimming the bone down. HOLY HELL. Nobody told me she was going to have that done. I just thought we were going to have her teeth pulled - like last time. NOPE. BONE got cut off her body. NICE, huh? So, I get her home, and drug her like crazy... trying to prevent the inevitable pain I know is coming - didn't work. We were up every hour, the longest we made it was two and one half hours, with her crying and telling me how bad she hurt. Believe me, if I could, I would trade places with her in an instant. So, this morning, she starts throwing up. I know she's in serious pain, and the medication is doing this to her, so I'm not sure what to do - so I call the doctor, and we go in. He pulls out the denture, and grinds on it, and for the first time in a very long time, I almost faint. Yep. ME. I got light headed and hot and broke out into a cold sweat and almost landed on the floor. Nice huh? Yeah, fun. Not supposed to loose the caretaker. So, as soon as I could walk, I went to the bathroom and puked. I HATE to do that, but oh well. So then I splashed my face with cold water and went back in to the room and asked the doc what I needed to do to care for mom.

I've been here doing just that since.

Tonight, hubby called to check on when I was coming home - and I had to tell him not tonight. He tells me he went to the doctor and was diagnosed with leukoplakia. Which in and of itself is mild, but can quickly turn cancerous. So, he's scared shitless. AND he's going to have to quit dipping. So, that means he's going to be a grouch from hell.

I knew I had jinxed myself when I said that things were going so good. They were too good...and I knew it. The other shoe has started dropping and I'm waiting to see what else is going to happen.

Until next time

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