Monday, January 05, 2004

Goals and things

I was talking to my mom yesterday, and came to some decisions. Instead of making resolutions, and setting myself up for failure, I am making some obtainable goals. First, I want to lose 10% of my body weight. Just 10% - to start. I am setting this as my first goal. I know that I can obtain it, because I have the power within me to CONTROL this one aspect of my life. Second, I am going to clean my house, top to bottom, sort things, get rid of things, remove clutter. I am going to do this in five minute increments. I started last night. I picked up kiddo's least, I picked up the clothes in kiddo's room. It took five minutes. He was so happy. Goal #3, spend more quality time with kiddo. Not necessarily DOING anything...just hanging out. Dad has sort of got the drop on me there, because I don't LIKE video games, however, kiddo does, and I want to spend time with him, so I'm going to learn. Goal #4: Take more control over the things that I can control. I can control if I'm losing weight, by exercising, by watching what I eat, by drinking lots of water, by walking the dogs, by joining the National Body Challenge. Goal #5: Get a new job. I can control if I'm spending time with my son, or if I'm losing him as he gets older. I will not lose him, so that means, that I need to adjust myself to him. I can control if my house is clean or cluttered, and I can manage it by taking it in small steps. I have tools to help me get organized. I have a WONDERFUL support group to help me get through the things that I think are going to overwhelm me. I can't control how my current job is, but I can control how I respond to it - I can look for a new job, and find something that I can do that doesn't keep me at work until all hours. I can control if I am working 10+ hours a day, taking waking hours away from my son. I can do this. I have faith, I have a set of goals, not resolutions, and I have a plan. This year will see me succeed. Other changes are coming, but these are the start. I have set some dates for some of these, and others, I have simply said by the end of the year. It should be an interesting year. I hope you stick around for the ride, and tell me if I'm managing to do all that I said I would!

Part of what brought this on, is my mom. I had a conversation with her, that both helped and hurt. She actually apologized for the way she raised me. WOW. What an accomplishment. She is trying to help me NOT make the same mistakes she made. She is helping me with my son, with MY LIFE. She said something that really hit home. She said I was spinning. That I had to take some control back in my life somewhere, because right now, I'm just spinning, bouncing into one thing and then another, but basically just spinning out of control, and if I didn't get some control soon, I was going to go over the edge, or I was going to completely spin out and lose it all. Instead of being insulted, I listened to her. She's right. I am spinning. Before I topple, I'm going to get some control. Little pieces. One thing at a time. But I will have control of ME. I can't control everyone, I can't control everything. I can control me, and the way I react to things. I can control my home - at least the way it looks. I can control my son, at least how much time I spend with him. I am trying to get things back. One step at a time.

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