Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Melancholy Musings

Ever notice how around Christmas and holiday seasons people start to creep back into your thoughts? Maybe it's just me, but as I write my Christmas cards to those I love, telling them little bits about the year, and asking how life has been treating the ones I can't reach, I always seem to think back on a few specific people. Some, because they are old loves that I wonder about - not that I want to "Hook up" with again, but that I just want to know they are ok - that life is good. Some are people I went to school with, that I never knew and wanted to know where they went - I didn't graduate with them, for whatever reason (they moved, they quit school, who knows), so I can't track them through the annuals or other message boards like that... some, are people I may have wronged in my life, that I still feel guilty about... I usually try to "Google" a name, or I use a people search, or other various search engines to see if I can get a hit on the name... Unfortunately, so far, nothing. I doubt that I will ever see these people again - but I would love to know they are doing well, that life has been good to them, that they are happy... and if they aren't - I would like to do something to see if I could make life better for them... because for whatever reason, they've made an impression on me - and it has lasted for some, almost 20 years....

With that said, Hank - I hope life has been kind... Cecil - your laugh, your smile will forever haunt my dreams... Johnny Terryl - my "Ever-loving cowboy" - what I wouldn't give to have you throw that damned Stetson at me again, more probably than I should... Cecilia, again, I am sorry...I shouldn't have stood by and watched, I should've spoke up... Billy - please tell me life hasn't made you hard, you had so much to give to the world...Roger - Years ago, I heard through the grapevine, you were happy - I pray that your happiness continues... and Rob - who should've been my Rob but life had other choices for us both - just a word, tell me your wife is everything you want her to be...tell me your life is where you always knew it could be...tell me the choices we made were the right ones. You taught me how to love, you taught me what love was and I will forever be grateful for my lessons. I don't want to change your life, I only want to know that you are.

There are others who float through my memories, but these always come back to me - every year, more than once a year, but especially at this time, when I write my Christmas cards and wish I knew.

Peace, love, and happiness...

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