Thursday, September 25, 2003

Open books

I have recently had an interesting conversation. It went something like this:

Them: "How can you have a public blog and still consider yourself a private person?"
Me: "I do not put my whole life on my blog"
Them: "How do you consider that being true to your readers?"
Me: "My blog is not for my readers, it is for me. I suppose, that is not entirely true, in a sense it is for my readers, it is how I keep some portions of family informed with what is going on in parts of my life, and friends informed with what's going on with parts of my life, but there are some things that I need to keep sacred."
Them: "Then you are not being true to journaling."
Me: "I never said I was a journalist. I said I had a blog. I web diary of sorts. A place that I can go to sort out part of feelings, thoughts, emotions and whatever."

I only bring this up, because of my Weigh2Go Girls. I am finding that I am a very private person, more than I ever thought I was, anyway. I know this surprises those who think they know me. Because I tend to put quite a bit out there. But I am learning a lot from W2G. This is a good thing. I am one who puts enough out there that others assume that I am an open book, so they don't scratch further beneth the surface to see what's really there. To see if there really is anything there. I like it that way. Everyone assumes they know all there is to know about me, so they don't actually try to see more. I don't let them see below the surface clutter unless I want them to see below the surface clutter. My grrls are starting to get below that clutter, and to be honest, it's scary as hell. It took one of my closest friends 10 years to get there. I've been friends with these women for over a year now. We talk three and four times a day. EVERY day. I know fears, dreams, hopes, neurosis and so much more about several of these women, and I feel guilty as hell that they are just starting to see below the surface... but I can't help it. I'm starting to open up to them. I hope they read this and know how much they mean to me. As to the rest of my readers... this is the closest you will see below the clutter, don't expect to go there again.

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