Talk about changes going on in my life. New Year brings new world to me. I THINK these changes are for the better – I BELIEVE they are what I need to do right now – Right or Wrong, I KNOW they are what I am doing.
I moved out.
WOW. To see those words on ‘paper’ or at least written out are almost as shocking as actually DOING it. I moved out, just this weekend. I have my own place that I am renting.
My son is FURIOUS with me. This is what any 14 year old kid would be! But, you know, it’s the first time in the kid’s life that I haven’t put him first. And in all honesty, I put myself first, so that I could continue to put the boy first for the rest of his life. I have to be happy and healthy in order for him to see and know me, and in order for me to be able to create a happy and healthy environment for him to finish growing in… Right now, I’m not. Whether this move changes things, I honestly don’t know. I know it is what I feel is best.
I am not divorced. I am not, at this moment, divorcing. I am separating. I am taking a break. I am doing everything I can do to find some happiness in my life. I have started an exercise regimen, I am eating MUCH healthier, I am drinking more water, I am trying to go to bed at a decent hour, and be prepared for my day the next day – and I am trying to learn and seek and decide what I want for my life for the rest of my life. I am, as a quote read, “Settling for MORE”. I want more happiness, I want more joy, I want more fulfillment, I want this life to be the best that I can make it – for me, for my son and for my husband.
I don’t hate my husband. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt my son – far from it. I know that is part of the results of what I have done – both are hurting… hell, I am hurting! But I honestly believe this is for the best for us all. I would not have done this if I didn’t. I would not have caused all this chaos, this pain, this MESS for nothing.
So… There. I’ve said it. I’ve done it. Now you know. Wish me luck. If you know me personally, send me groceries, or wal-mart gift certificates so I can buy groceries, send me curtains, or at the very least send me positive vibes, prayers, and the very best wishes!
Until next time –