Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Ch-ch-ch-CHANGES!!

Talk about changes going on in my life. New Year brings new world to me. I THINK these changes are for the better – I BELIEVE they are what I need to do right now – Right or Wrong, I KNOW they are what I am doing.

I moved out.

WOW. To see those words on ‘paper’ or at least written out are almost as shocking as actually DOING it. I moved out, just this weekend. I have my own place that I am renting.

My son is FURIOUS with me. This is what any 14 year old kid would be! But, you know, it’s the first time in the kid’s life that I haven’t put him first. And in all honesty, I put myself first, so that I could continue to put the boy first for the rest of his life. I have to be happy and healthy in order for him to see and know me, and in order for me to be able to create a happy and healthy environment for him to finish growing in… Right now, I’m not. Whether this move changes things, I honestly don’t know. I know it is what I feel is best.

I am not divorced. I am not, at this moment, divorcing. I am separating. I am taking a break. I am doing everything I can do to find some happiness in my life. I have started an exercise regimen, I am eating MUCH healthier, I am drinking more water, I am trying to go to bed at a decent hour, and be prepared for my day the next day – and I am trying to learn and seek and decide what I want for my life for the rest of my life. I am, as a quote read, “Settling for MORE”. I want more happiness, I want more joy, I want more fulfillment, I want this life to be the best that I can make it – for me, for my son and for my husband.

I don’t hate my husband. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt my son – far from it. I know that is part of the results of what I have done – both are hurting… hell, I am hurting! But I honestly believe this is for the best for us all. I would not have done this if I didn’t. I would not have caused all this chaos, this pain, this MESS for nothing.

So… There. I’ve said it. I’ve done it. Now you know. Wish me luck. If you know me personally, send me groceries, or wal-mart gift certificates so I can buy groceries, send me curtains, or at the very least send me positive vibes, prayers, and the very best wishes!

Until next time –
M

9 comments:

Kat said...

Hey girl,

I sent you a message on MySpace because I couldn't remember my login here. But I just read on Raven's journal that you get on there? How can you get on here but not on there?

Anyway, I wanted to ask how you were doing. Where are you living?

Michele said...

Hey Girl!

I can get on here because my work has not yet blocked this site, but I can't get on MySpace because work has it blocked and I don't have internet at home yet.

I'm living in Owasso, and I'm doing really well! I love my little house, and I am learning to find some happiness again.

Raven said...

I am truly sorry that your life is so chaotic right now. Not that it's even been really peaceful. *lol*

If you need anything, let me know. As for the groceries or gift card... well you'll have to either stop by or give me an address before I can send anything your way. Was gonna send you one of my pens for a really freakin late Christmas gift, but it sounds like you have bigger needs than a pen right now. *hugs*

Raven said...

Also, if you need someone to talk to or whatever some time, you're more than welcome to join me at Gypsy some time. It's a great place to relax and talk and all that schtuff!!! :)

Kat said...

I wish I still lived up there.

Michele said...

Raven,
I went by Gypsy last night... you weren't there. How about we try something different... you email me (instead of this comment thing) and lets set some definite plans.
Kat,
I wish you still lived up here too sweetie.
Both of you and anyone who wants to contact me... My email is the same as it has always been: mrobedeaux @ yahoo {dot} com and my phone number is my cell number - the same one you all had when my grandparents died.

faux pas said...

Michele, I am so happy for you. It's about time you started looking out for #1 - YOU.

I know your husband and son are hurting, but the most important thing is to look our for yourself. Once YOU find happiness, you can decide where to go from there. They're men, so they won't understand at first, but when it's all said and done, if they care about you (and I'm sure they do) they'll see what a good thing it is you're doing.

Way to go! Wishing you ALL the best!

jumpinginpuddles said...

thanks for leaving a comment on our blog, we are taking five kids with us and its a comfort to know others have gone before us.
We hve a few questions is it ok to ask here?

JIP

Michele said...

JIP,
You are more than welcome for leaving a comment! It was a comfort for me to know that I had others go before me who were successful - and I am happy to help you in any way I can. Please email me at mrobedeaux@yahoo.com with any specific questions and then we can 'talk' a little more privately. Unless that is too uncomfortable for you, and then feel free to ask away here. :)
Michele