Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Big Birthday Tomorrow!

I think that I am going to have a VERY hard time getting my son to sleep tonight. As the day progresses, all I have heard is how excited he is that tomorrow he will be ten years old. He will no longer be a single digit old. I had not thought of things in that manner. He will be on this planet one decade. I had thought about that. I have thought about all the changes in my life. Both good and bad. I have thought about all the changes in his life, both good and bad. I have thought about how very far we've come, and how many steps backwards we have taken. How very proud of him I am. How many times he makes me want to ring his little neck. How often I wish that I could just hold him up for the world to see and say, see, this is my son, I created this child in my womb, he is my little miracle - with the help of others. I can't take full responsibility for this child. He is who he is because of many other influences as well. I was blessed to keep him in the beginning - God let me keep him, even when I didn't think he would live, even when I didn't think I would live - and together, we have grown. I am not the same person I was when I had him. He has made me wiser, he has made me want to be better. I am stronger. I am smarter. I am still just as stubborn. Sometimes, I wonder, who is the teacher, my child, or me... and other times, I am certain it is he. Have a wonderful day tomorrow... I know that I will, I will be away from work, away from my computer, spending the entire day with my son. My joy. My heartbreak. My teacher. My love. My annoyer. My so many things. My ten year old.

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