Monday, May 12, 2003

So, um, it's been a while. Sorry 'bout that. I hope you'll understand as the post goes on... I've had a lot going on in my life, and I had a lot to think about, and my home computer died (still dead - although I'm one part away from having it resurrected! :) ) I have not forgotten about this... it is "a place for me..." but somehow, when things go crazy, I don't take the time for me. Not like I should anyway.
I found out some interesting bits of information about my life...for instance, my father has a felony. He is a felon. That blew me away. What on earth did you do, dad to become a felon? Was it drugs? I know you used to deal. I know you used to use - I remember that... it wasn't drugs? What was it? Don't I remember? WHY WOULD I REMEMBER?!?!?? You were charged with a felony because you almost killed a minor?!? Me? I know you used to hit us, but I don't remember you ever being charged... oh, it wasn't me...and what do I mean "You used to hit us?" - never mind I'm sorry I said it - back to the felony thing, dad - what happened? You were charged with assult and battery on a minor because a minor was assaulting me? I don't remember that daddy, when was this? Where was this? WHO was this??? Oh, if I don't remember, it's probably for the best, because then at least I've blocked somethings out??? HOLY SHIT Dad, I've blocked out half my damned life!!! What makes you think that this new little realization is going to be much different?!?! I don't have many memories before age 12 - some, but not a bunch... So, you beat the hell out of some punk who was ??? who was WHAT? was he raping me? Was he feeling me up? was he making me give him a blow job? WHAT? Oh, if I need to, I'll remember in my own time, in my own way??? What the HELL is that?!? Don't you think that MAY be a BAD idea? I mean, we already have three sets of memories in my life, dad - yours, mom's, and THEN mine... none of the three match... so don't you think that might not be a good thing? Maybe? ok, we'll discuss this later, when I've had time to process the information a little more, and am not quite so "reactive".
Remember my posting about doing my best friend's daughter's makeup? Well, now I get to give her a wedding shower. And a baby shower. Yep 17, junior in high school, and pregnant. Damn, I just hate that for her. She's gonna have a long road ahead of her. But she and the boy want to get married. So, with her mother's blessing, and my shock, she's getting married in July. HOLY SHIT - that's less than 2 months to plan a wedding!
My job is actually a little better than it has been. More people are starting to hire than before. It's not great, by any means, but it's better than it was.
Finances, well, they still suck. Oh well. Who's doesn't? I mean, really, unless you are wealthy, damned good at money managing, or just better than me, generally, you end out needing money at some point in your life. This has just been an extended point...and it sucks. But it will be all right soon. I hope. If I could just figure out that EBay thing, I'd sell some crap and maybe do better! :)
Well, that's enough for the moment, but let's just say, that's not all that hs been going on in my life. I guess I'm not very good at putting in words the things I am feeling - at least until I've somewhat thought about them. Such is life, I guess... I'll try to catch this up more on what's been going on later... Until then, know that I am alive, and that I'm just processing...

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