Fair warning. This is more of a whine than a post. If you don't want to listen to me whine, then go down and read about Zuly in the post below. Otherwise, come back tomorrow or do something different, because I am going to whine.

I don't know how I get myself into these things, but somehow I just do. Tell me how the hell, "Oh, I just work down the street from there, I can pick those papers up for you" gets me volunteered to be THE POPCORN CHAIRPERSON FOR THE ENTIRE PACK of boyscouts for our school??? WTF??? I just work down the street, I can pick those papers up for you. Not, I've got plenty of time. Not, I'll be glad to volunteer. Not, I don't mind helping out with that. I DON'T have the time. I don't have the ENERGY. I don't have the desire. When I started backing out... guess what I got told... oh, don't worry, so and so will help, it's not so bad, all you have to do is... blah blah blah... I'm sitting there with my head spinning wondering What the ????

My grandpa had an arterialgram done yesterday. The results were not good. He has two major blockages and he has a valve that is not working properly. I don't know if it is blocked, or if it is leaking or if is doing something else, because my mom was a bit out of it when she was telling me about it... which I'll tell you about in the next paragraph. Anyway, the doctor said that he didn't want to make the decision as to what to do without having a conference with another couple of doctors, so until two or more get together and decide if he's strong enough to make it throug surgery, I get to wait patiently (those who know me, know this is not a virtue of mine) for someone to get off his/her ass and do something to make my grandpa better. Because I WILL not calmly face his demise.

Mother came to watch kiddo's game, had a toothache, which at the time, she said was minor turning to major. She stopped along the way over to get Orajel, which wasn't working, then started running a bit of a temp... which should have been my clue... unfortunately, it wasn't. I didn't pay close enough attention to her. She blamed it on her other meds, and I didn't pay close enough attention to her... so she came over, and used an ice pack for a little while and said she wanted to go home. I offered to drive her, but she said she'd be fine. Well, by the time she got home, she was delirious with fever. Running 104. Thank heavens she went to the Urgent care center. They gave her a shot of penicillin, and some pain killers. She had her tooth pulled Monday. Then had a reaction to some medicine that they used while pulling her tooth.... fun stuff.

My little cousin broke her ankle on her 18th birthday. She finds out Wednesday if she has to have surgery to fix it.

I need to move home. I need to be able to take care of my family. I need to be there to be able to go and get my mom the mashed potatoes that she can eat when she is sick or fix them for her. I need to be able to remind my Grams to wear her oxygen when no one is at her house. I need to be there to run errands for my aunt since her daughter can't.

I need my family to support me through my husband's every other week company layoff. I need to not turn to food for comfort. I need to exercise my stress away instead of internalizing it. Internalizing it makes RA hurt worse. I need a new job.

* OK. Whine over. I'll get off my ass and actually DO something now. I'm going to call my mom and check on her, call my grams and make sure she has on her oxygen, call my aunt, and send my friend (Thank heavens for good friends from home towns!) to help her if she needs anything, and I'm going to realize that there are some things that *I* can not control. The universe is not in my control. Damned it. It's probably a good thing. But still. Damned it.